


What the Heart Desires

by Deonara2012



Series: Heart's Desire [1]
Category: ATEEZ (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Asexual Character, Community: whole_new_world, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-06
Updated: 2020-02-06
Packaged: 2021-02-28 06:14:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 17,709
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22579177
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Deonara2012/pseuds/Deonara2012
Summary: When WooYoung reads about this algorithm that will be able to match someone with their Heart's Desire, Mingi thinks it might be a good idea. And then he finds himself in that world, and he's not so sure anymore.
Relationships: Choi San/Original Female Character(s), Kang Yeosang/Original Female Character(s), Kim Hongjoong/Original Female Character(s), Song Mingi/Original Female Character(s)
Series: Heart's Desire [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1910173
Comments: 7
Kudos: 6
Collections: Whole New World





	What the Heart Desires

**Author's Note:**

> This was created by svtstarlight. We’ve played with the idea of a Heart’s Desire for… a long time, over 11 or more RPs (PSLs), and as I loved the idea, she let me write this. It was written with her permission.

"Someone's discovered an algorithm to find a person's best partner," Wooyoung said, breaking the silence of the van carrying half of Ateez. 

Mingi turned to look at him, frowning. "What?"

"They've got something - an algorithm - that they say can find your Heart's Desire, the person your heart needs." Wooyoung waved his phone in the air, which Mingi could only see because he was turned around. "There's an article about it, and someone linked it on Twitter."

"That sounds nice," Yeosang said wistfully from next to WooYoung. "To not have to worry about your partner being with you just because of your fame or your body or whatever."

Mingi looked at him in confusion. "You worry about that?" he asked. It hadn’t ever crossed his mind, and he wondered why it hadn’t.

"Yeah," Yeosang said. "Sometimes. Like… when I'm about to fall asleep and nothing else is on my mind."

Mingi looked back out the window, and pondered. Would it be good? Could they guarantee that they'd have the right person? It sounded sort of hokey, but the way Yeosang had put it, it made some sense. Especially considering how well known they were becoming. "Yeah, that makes sense," he mumbled, and figured no one heard him when no one asked what he meant.

He thought about it more, that night as he brushed his teeth, took his contacts out, and changed for bed. He said goodnight to Jongho, distracted, and then closed his eyes. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad, to have someone he knew would understand him, and all he had to do. Right?

When he woke the next morning, though, he couldn't find his alarm clock. So far, everyone had made it clear to WooYoung and San (and Yeosang, which had made them all do a double-take) that the clocks were off limits for pranks. He rubbed his eyes to make them work - as much as they ever did, unaided - and looked around again. He didn't see the familiar glow of his clock, and certainly he hadn't woken Jongho up, because he wasn't complaining about it. Something had woken him up, though, and he didn't know….

His wrist buzzed, and he looked at it in confusion. He'd never seen that gold bracelet before, but apparently he'd worn it for a long time, because he could see a tan line around it, in the dim light cast by the bracelet. A red gem sat centered over the back of his hand, the clock on it bright enough for him to see it even without his glasses. He touched it, and a menu popped up, blurry. He reached for his glasses, and found them right where he expected to, on the bedside table on top of what felt like a phone. He put the glasses on and read whatever had popped up. A menu, with two options. _Snooze, End_. He chose end and got up, careful not to bang his head on the top bunk. Again.

He walked to the door, stepped out, and stopped dead. He didn't recognize this place; the hallway stretched too far in either direction. He stood there for a moment, and then turned right, hoping to find the bathroom in the same general direction as the one he knew. 

It only took a couple of tries before he found what he wanted, and he got his contacts in as fast as he could. Nothing made sense. Nothing at all. Least of all the fact that the dorm seemed so much… bigger. Running a hand through his hair, he went back to his room to get dressed, grabbed the phone - not a phone, what was this? It was too big to be a phone - and went to the front room. At least, he hoped it was the front room. 

It was, and he looked around for a moment. It looked… mostly the same, just larger. And neater. It seemed so weird that others weren't up yet, especially Sunghwa. Someone moved in the kitchen, and he headed that way to see who it was.

The young woman in the kitchen moved like she belonged, and when she turned around and saw him, she smiled. "Good morning. You're up early. Is everything okay?"

That was the question, wasn't it?

"Um. I think so?" he said, hesitating in the doorway. "I just… got up with my alarm, for once." What was a girl doing here? 

Aside from starting the coffee machine, thankfully. He could smell it already. 

She laughed softly. "That is a first," she said, and went on doing whatever she did - which, it appeared, was making herself a lunch.

HongJoong slipped past Mingi just as she finished, dressed and ready for the day. "Hey, have a good day, and I'll let you know what happens today," he said, and kissed her. 

"I will," she said, nodded at Mingi, and took her lunch and slipped past Mingi.

"You're up early," HongJoong said, poking into the fridge for breakfast, or so Mingi figured. "Is anyone else stirring?"

"My alarm woke me," Mingi said. "I only know about Jongho. He's not. At all." Over HongJoong's shoulder, he could see the fridge was well stocked, more so than before. He couldn't even imagine.

"You could come in and sit down," HongJoong said, looking at him with a smile. "You look spooked."

"I'm not used to coming into the kitchen and finding a girl," Mingi admitted, finally walking in. Ten chairs sat around a much larger table, and he sat down in one, hands on his knees to keep them from showing how much he shook.

HongJoong laughed. "I know. They're usually gone by the time we manage to get you up," he said. 

They? Mingi wondered silently, trying not to let his shock show on his face.

"Who's usually gone?" a different woman's voice asked. Mingi turned to look as another woman walked in, casually nudged HongJoong aside, and reached for something that turned out to be her lunch. 

"You ladies," HongJoong said, leaning against the counter in a way that made Mingi think this happened all the time.

"Before… oh, good morning, Mingi," she said, turning to spot him. "You _are_ up early today."

"My alarm," Mingi said, feeling like that response was the safest he could give. "It finally worked."

This time, Yeosang gave the kiss good-bye, and he could hear them talking at the door, if not exactly what they said. He rubbed his forehead, trying to make sense of it all, then dropped his hands back into his lap. "Hungry?" HongJoong asked, back in the fridge.

"Yeah, I guess," Mingi said. "Something light, though."

"Light? Are you okay? You're up early." A third woman came in, this one accompanied by San. 

"My alarm worked," Mingi said, numb from shock. "For once."

This went much the same as the other two, and then San and Yeosang sat down at the table. "You sure you're okay?" San asked.

Mingi shrugged, an attempt to look like he was used to this. "I don't know what to do with myself," he said, and picked up the tablet he'd brought with him from the bedroom. At his touch, it turned on, displaying the schedule. 

Because he hadn't had a chance to actually look at the schedule before, he had no idea if it were the same. It didn't look all that different, and at least the songs were the same (HongJoong was HongJoong, no matter what universe, apparently). That eased him some, and Mingi relaxed as the others came in, and they got through breakfast. 

The managers were the same people, it all seemed very... normal, except for the bracelets, and the women. Because wow. None of them seemed all that odd, none of them were upset or anything. And it all felt so... strange. 

He didn't think about it until they were on their way in, and his heart skipped a beat. What if the choreography wasn't the same? Turning the sound off, he looked up the first performance video they'd done as KQ Fellaz, and to his relief, it all looked the same. He went through them all, and the relief that filled him that he wouldn't have to explain anything - like why one of their main dancers had to relearn the choreography - made him sag against the window so fast that Yunho, sitting next to him, gave him a concerned look. "You okay?" Yunho asked.

"Yeah," Mingi said, and looked at Yunho's bracelet. Red, like his own. He needed to figure out what that meant, and he bit his lip, not even sure where to start on anything. He needed to figure it out, if he was going to fit in, not make them think he'd lost his mind or his memory. 

The van stopped and they all piled out, pushing and shoving to get space. Nothing malicious, but Mingi preferred to stay out of it, waiting until they’d started moving away from the van to get out and join them. 

In the practice room, things went exactly as he remembered them, and that helped him relax even more. He could almost forget about the bracelet on his wrist, could almost forget about HongJoong and Yeosang and San having girls - women, wives? - living with them, could almost forget that this wasn't really his home.

It was halfway through the first hour of practice, usually light so no one got sick trying to dance on a too-full stomach, that he finally got the rest of the group's colors. Sunghwa's bracelet was also red, as were WooYoung and Jongho's. HongJoong, Yeosang, and San had green, and he got close enough to San to read the words on it. Oh. Well, now he could answer the name of San's partner. 

Which was nice and all, but what did that mean? What did he need to do to make it....

"You are so far outside this practice room," Yunho said, sitting next to him by the mirrors and rubbing his shoulder. "You okay?"

"Yeah," Mingi said, an automatic reaction, because he didn't know anything, but he'd read enough dystopian fiction to figure letting on that he wasn't all up on this was a bad idea. "Just... thinking." 

Yunho tapped his bracelet. "About this?"

"Some," Mingi said, trying not to show how he panicked. "I'm just... wondering."

"Who your Heart's Desire is? And why they're not here yet?" Yunho asked, sounding like he understood. Possibly because he also had a red gem. 

"Something like that." Heart's Desire. Wasn't that what WooYoung had said, the other day - in the other universe - about an algorithm to help find the perfect partner? Ah, finally, a place to start. 

"Anything more specific?"

Mingi shook his head. "No. Thinking about choreography and all that stuff too."

Yunho nudged his arm. "You do have a habit of spacing out when you do that." He laughed. "I have heard something about you being labeled 4D for us. Which could be interesting."

"I'm not, though," Mingi protested, finally on firmer ground, something he could understand. "Some of those questions are so boring." 

“Repetitive,” Yunho agreed. “It’s not a bad thing, though. There are worse things they could call you.”

Mingi snorted. “Yeah, that’s true,” he said.

At one point in the day, given the chance to relax and slow down a little, Mingi retreated to one of the few quiet places he'd found and looked on his tablet about Heart's Desires. The document he found on his tablet read like a third grade primer. It was easy enough to read and to understand, and he glanced at his own bracelet when it got to the part about the red gem. Considering it had his name on it, he wondered if it was a school project. 

So he had a partner, boy or girl (weird, because he was used to the whole no-gay thing in South Korea) but the system said they weren't old enough for him to know who it was. That it only turned red for him on his 19th birthday. So his partner, his Heart's Desire, was younger than he. 

_That_ wasn't potentially explosive. He had to wonder about the other members of his group, too, but not as much. He didn't have to deal with them so much. Although if JongHo got his first, that would mean a new roommate, and… 

His bracelet buzzed, and he looked at it. He touched it at the notification, and HongJoong's voice came through, much too loud. "Where are you?" 

"I'm… I'll be right there," Mingi said, touched his bracelet to turn it off, and grabbed up his tablet before running back toward the practice room. "Sorry," he breathed, bowing at HongJoong, then dropped his tablet on his bag and went to get into place. 

Sunghwa took his arm at the next break, waving the others off, and pulled him over to one of the corners. "Are you okay?" he asked gently, his left hand resting on Mingi's right shoulder. 

Mingi shrugged. "It's been an… interesting day," he said. "I…." He shrugged again. "I don't know." 

Sunghwa frowned, his hand slipping down Mingi's arm. "What's going on?" 

What could he say? "I had a weird dream, and this…." He gestured at the practice room. "Feels like everything is just a little off. It was just so realistic."

"Different?" Sunghwa asked, his brow furrowing. "How, different?"

"Without these," Mingi said, tapping his bracelet, managing not to activate it by accident. "It's just... I don't know. It was weird, like I said, and I feel like this whole thing is surreal."

Sunghwa's expression relaxed. "We all have those kinds of dreams," he said softly. "Sometimes it feels like a curse to have them. On the other hand, having the system find my perfect match is not so bad, especially in this occupation."

"Don't you worry that she'll be some sort of rabid fangirl or something?" Mingi asked.

Sunghwa smiled and leaned closer. "It's better than what Yeosang is dealing with. She doesn't like that he's in Ateez at all. She tried for a while to get him to stop. From what WooYoung says, that's stopped for now."

Mingi winced. "I bet that went over well with all of them."

Sunghwa tilted his head. "You don't remember?" he asked.

"It's none of my business," Mingi said, his heart rate increasing suddenly. "It's... I mean, I don't think I knew much about it."

Sunghwa glanced over his shoulder at Yeosang, standing next to WooYoung and drinking water. "He's happier now, so whatever they came up with, it's better," he said.

"Good," Mingi said. "Nothing's right if he's down."

Sunghwa snickered. "True. You sure you're okay?"

"I'm pretty sure it'll all work out," Mingi said. "I'm not too worried about it. Thanks, though," he added, smiling wryly. "I appreciate you asking."

"I'm not the mom for nothing," Sunghwa said, patted his shoulder, and turned away.

Mingi leaned against the mirrors and sighed. He had only considered about getting a fan as a... Heart's Desire. Getting someone who looked down on his career? That would be worse. He eyed Yeosang, who laughed at something WooYoung said, and then looked at San, who stood quietly - weird, also - in another corner. After a moment, though, he recognized San was working through some choreography. In his head first, and then with his feet and everything else, and then the rest of them. Not so weird after all. He shoved away from the mirrors and went to join him, watching him until San spotted him and grinned, flashing his dimples. "You want to help?" he asked, and Mingi grinned, glad at least that was the same as well.

The next few days went... as normal. It still felt weird to wake up without that alarm, the buzzing on his wrist impossible to ignore. He had the chance to... sort of get to know the women in the dorm, and it became... normal. Or, more normal. Everything else felt the same, going through the steps of in-between promotions, getting ready, recording, all the stuff that he knew by now, having done it twice already. 

It got to the point that he got used to the lesser buzzes on his wrist from messages from others, things that he had apparently subscribed to or whatever, and could ignore them until they had a break. He got used to the faint glows from the bracelets in the near pitch of their room at night, got used to all of it, began to forget about what life was like without it. Not... really that, but he put it aside for now, living this life as well as he could and working hard on it. 

So it took him utterly by surprise when his bracelet buzzed hard, worse even than his morning alarm, one afternoon in the middle of solidifying the choreography for Wave. He glanced at his wrist, and then stopped dead in the middle of it, causing Yunho to run into him. Mingi staggered forward a couple of steps but kept his feet, staring at his now-green gem. 

Yunho grabbed his shoulder and pulled him around. "Hey, what happened? That's not like you," he said. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah," Mingi said absently. "I... I am. I think. I mean." He stopped trying to say anything and held up his wrist. "It changed."

Yunho looked at it and whooped. "Hey! HongJoong! It's your worst nightmare," he said.

HongJoong, already on his way over, looked at Yunho and then at what Yunho indicated. "Right," he said, giving no indication that it was his worst nightmare. "I'll get the manager in here. You'll need to visit the center asap and get it over with." He smiled at Mingi. "It's not my worst nightmare," he said. "It will mean that Sunghwa no longer gets his own room, though."

Sunghwa looked up at his name, and then rubbed the back of his neck. "I don't mind Jongho," he said. 

"Wait until you room with him," Mingi said, half aware of the conversation. "What happens when I get there?"

That, apparently, was a normal response. "You'll see a hologram of your Heart's Desire, and the information to contact them will be on your tablet," HongJoong told him. "The sooner you make contact and get them used to the idea, the better for both of you." He patted Mingi's arm again. "Get your stuff, you don't need to leave it here, and you probably won't come back tonight. Bring them in, if you can."

Mingi nodded, not at all sure about any of it, and went to put his bag together. Yunho went with him, casually handing him things as he struggled to remember what he'd even brought in. "It'll be fine," Yunho told him when he stood up again. "You always have us."

The manager came in before Mingi could respond, so he merely smiled at Yunho in what he hoped was a believable smile, and followed the manager back out.

In the van, he tried to imagine what his heart might want, and then checked his tablet to see if maybe he'd already written that. He found a couple of essays, or so he figured, about who he thought his heart might desire, and found only a couple of things in common between them. The later one, written probably when he was in high school, rang closer to now. A dancer, and someone who understood him, who he would be able to understand. He'd written nothing since joining KQ, which didn't surprise him, because he was not in school any more....

The van stopped and he looked up at the building. It seemed... friendly, and open, the windows filled with cheerful messages. People went in and out, some of them looking happy, some looking less than cheerful, some resigned. The young people looked hopeful, and some of those waiting outside looked like parents. He would have to let his parents know, unless the bracelet had done that for him. He didn't know enough, and it was irritating, a little, to not know so much. 

Still, it was interesting to watch these people, until he realized the manager stood outside, patiently waiting for him. "You might be the 4D everyone says you are," he said with a laugh, handing Mingi a mask to keep his identity at least a little bit secret. Mingi’s lips twisted in a scowl at him as he put the mask on. It was nice to walk into a building without fans and everyone knowing who he was.

Inside the well-appointed building, he approached an open kiosk and after a moment of trying to figure out what he needed to do, placed the gem of his bracelet by the panel for it. It flashed twice, and then the screen in front of him activated. "Hello, Song Mingi" it spelled out across the screen, shortly, and then "please go to room 102."

He took his hand back and turned to find where he needed to go. A sign next to a door leading further into the building read "rooms 101-130", and he stepped through it. He stood at a T intersection, and found the sign that directed him to the left for rooms 101-110. The first door on the right had a lit sign, the numbers 102 in green. He opened the door, found it locked, and tried to figure out where to put his bracelet to open it. After a short struggle, he figured it out and stepped into a room barely big enough to turn around in. The door closed behind him, and there behind it was the place for his bracelet. He pressed it in, and the lights darkened. 

A young woman, very much not Korean, looked back at him, an unreadable expression on her face. She had light brown hair that framed her face and reached her shoulders. She looked young, but he couldn't tell how young, or anything like that. It was odd. 

His tablet dinged and he looked at it, finding an email from the center with a picture of her, and her name. Inside the email he found more information, and he pulled his wrist away to look at it closer. The room lightened again.

American, there because of her father's work. Studying at the American university. The rest of the information didn't matter all that much. He turned to open the door and found it already waiting for him to leave, so he did, still looking at the picture and trying to sound out her name. He followed the hall back to the main room, then out the door to meet his manager, who looked at him in amusement. "You took your time. What's the verdict?"

"She's a girl, and she's American," Mingi said. "And I don't know if she even speaks Korean."

"Hm," the manager said. "Come on, get in the van, and we'll see about finding her."

They'd just started on the way to the American school when Mingi's bracelet chimed, and he glanced at it to see a message. He accessed it, and smiled. "Her Korean isn't the best, written, but she's sent me her address and asked if we can meet there."

"Send me the address," the manager said, and when Mingi did, he reset the GPS. "It'll be about ten minutes."

It didn't take too long to get there, thankfully. Mingi got out and looked up at the building. It didn't look like student housing, but then... what did he know? He adjusted the mask back over his mouth and nose and walked to the door. He found the name - something he didn't recognize, among a bunch of others he didn't recognize - and he pressed the button. "Hello?" a voice said in accented but understandable Korean.

Um. "My name is Song Mingi," he said. "I'm looking for...." he checked his tablet. "Kim Johnson?"

"Oh." There was a long pause, and then the door buzzed. "Come on up. Fifth floor."

"Thank you," he said, and pulled the door open. 

The lobby looked simple, and he walked straight to the elevator, the manager behind him. That didn't take long, and when he stepped out he realized his hands shook. He didn't understand any of this, didn't know what to think about it, wasn't even sure what this would mean. For all that it seemed normal, it wasn't, and he had no idea what to do about any of it.

At the door with the right number, the manager took his arm. “Take the mask off.”

Mingi stared at him, then pulled it off and put it in the manager’s waiting hand. Then he knocked gently, and the door opened.

She stood there, in jeans and a t-shirt, a hesitant smile on her face that he understood all too well. "Come in," she said, and backed up. Then she paused and looked past him to the manager. "I'm sorry...."

The manager bowed. "I'll be out here," he said, and nudged Mingi into the apartment. "Let me know what you decide."

Mingi nodded and closed the door behind him, and just looked at her. She was prettier than the hologram had shown, and he had to bite his tongue to not say that. She blushed under his gaze, and offered him slippers. He took them, slid his shoes off, and put them on. She smiled, and his heart gave a leap. She was even prettier when she smiled. It was stunning. 

"Follow me," she said, and led the way into the apartment, to a small, neat room with school books stacked on the table next to the couch, a lamp behind it, and an mp3 player with headphones on the arm. "Please, have a seat."

Mingi took the chair she gestured to, and she sat down across from him. "I'm not sure exactly what this all means," she told him. "It's... It's not very clear."

Her accent was charming. "No," he said, somewhat belatedly. "It's not."

She tilted her head at him. "You don't... understand it either?" she asked. 

"Not as well as I could wish," he said. "I... I don't think it makes sense until you experience it."

She laughed, and he smiled. "That's what my father says," she said. "I don't think he planned on being here this long, but here we are."

Mingi nodded. "He's here for work?"

She flushed. "Yes. I can't explain it to you, though, because I don't actually have the words. We've been here for two years, and they said that after we'd been here a year my bracelet would be activated. I don't know why it's been this long, unless you just turned 19?"

He shook his head. "No." 

"You don't look it." She smiled again, and Mingi sighed, trying to keep it not too obvious. "Are you at university?"

"Ah. No, actually, I work." 

She tilted her head. "What do you do?"

It happened so fast, and he didn't know what to say. Hadn’t even thought to ask HongJoong or Yeosang or San what they'd said. "Um. I'm in a group. Called Ateez. We... Um."

Kim's eyes were large, an expression of surprise on her face. "I've heard of you," she said. "The group, anyway. It's... you're just starting, right? I think my friend said something about your debut being last October?"

"Yes," Mingi said, trying not to show his relief that she wasn't going to freak out about him. "We're working on the next promotion."

Her brow furrowed. "I don't know that word," she said slowly.

Mingi blushed. "I'm sorry. I... don't know the words in English, although HongJoong would. It's... kind of specialized, I guess. Um… we’re going to release a new song soon.” She nodded, understanding that. “What are you studying?"

"International business," Kim said with a wry smile. "I've always been interested in business, and since we came here, I've been interested in how things work in other countries, too."

"Do you have a long time? Left, I mean."

Kim nodded. "A couple of years. I should probably tell my teachers what happened. They'll... how will they react?"

Mingi shook his head. "I have no idea. It's... It's all pretty new to me. I haven't done any schooling past high school."

A light went on in her eyes. "Was that man with you a bodyguard?"

"No," Mingi said. "Manager. Atiny - our fans - are pretty well mannered. So far. But we're just starting."

Kim shook her head. "This is so weird," she muttered, and started to type out an email. Her fingers stuttered on the keyboard on her tablet, and she stretched them and tried again. "I feel like I can't think," she said.

Remembering something HongJong had said, Mingi got up and walked around to her. He knelt next to her on one knee, and took her hand. She stiffened, surprised, but didn't pull away.

The touch did something to him, something lovely. He felt more like he could do things, no longer so slow and hopeless. It was... nice. Weird, but nice.

She looked at him. "Is that... normal?" she asked, taking her hand back and typing out the message. English, he noted, but then, she was at the American University.

"I don't know," Mingi admitted. "It's... this is all really new to me, too."

Kim flushed. "Oh. Right." She looked at him, really looked at him for a moment, and he wondered what she saw, what she might see, what... she looked for in him. It made him uncomfortable, because he'd spent most of his teen years with acne bad enough it scarred his cheeks. All this... other stuff, the idea that he was good looking (hah, next to Sunghwa, and... well, everyone else in ATEEZ) was still so new to him. "Now what?"

He took a deep breath and broke her gaze. "It's... still early, because they took me out of practice. It's best if we spend time together." He repeated only what he'd read in his own essays, which felt so weird....

"That's what my dad said," she told him. "He's at work, because they wouldn't let him off, but we talked. And it's... it's pretty wild. So... do you need to go back?"

"It couldn't hurt," he said. "It's.... yeah, probably. If you don't mind?"

Her bracelet indicated a message, and she glanced at it, then at her tablet for the message. "Um. I. Guess they've had this happen before," she said. "I just got a list of things to read, assignments due, and office hours for one of my classes, along with a "I'll see you in a week." Does it take that long?"

"It's suggested to spend time together pretty intensely that long, to make it easier for later, when... we have to go our own ways," Mingi said. "It's... i don't know, something scientific, or something. I don't know." 

"Can you take a week off?" she asked, looking at him.

"I... could, I think, but we might also go insane, hanging around doing nothing. I don't... well, I guess I could go to your class, if you needed me to."

"Oh, no," Kim said, smiling. "Annette would freak out."

Mingi smiled and stood up. "I know my friends wouldn't. Three of them have Heart's Desires already. They might… enjoy meeting you, just because you're American." He went back to his seat and relaxed again. "It's going to be interesting, to say the least. Shall we go and get this over with, and then we can come back here, and meet your dad?"

Kim smiled. "I like that idea," she said. "Give me a minute?"

It felt weird, when she left the room, like his whole being narrowed down to that one space where she was, and he couldn't think about anything else except to have her there again. She came back in a rush, and stopped across the table from him. "This is really... intense," she said slowly. "Is that normal?"

Mingi licked his lips. "I... don't know," he said. "Sorry."

She shook her head. "It's okay. Let's... go."

They walked to the door, put their shoes on, and then walked out. It felt perfectly natural to take her hand, gently, softly, so she knew she could take it back if she wanted. Only the feeling that went up his arm set off all sorts of fuzzy feelings in his head, and he blinked at her, surprised. She looked back at him, eyes wide and looking scared. "You got that, too?" he asked.

"That... fuzzy thing, when you took my hand? Yeah," she said, and pressed the call button for the elevator. "Like I said, it's really intense."

He wanted to say he'd make it better, somehow, but he couldn't, couldn't even figure out how he would. It felt so... He sighed and shifted his weight.

"Is... everything okay?" she asked as the elevator opened. They stepped inside, and the manager, unseen until now, stepped in with them. He had the look of someone who'd been through this too many times to count. 

"It's... intense," Mingi agreed. 

The manager touched the button for the lobby, and looked at Mingi. Flushed, feeling so out of his depth he didn't know if he'd actually manage anything, he introduced them.

"He's told you, then," the manager said, handing Mingi his mask back. Mingi took it and put it on. "Good. I don't expect much from him for the next few days, and I don't actually expect to see either of you much." He gave Mingi a sharp look, as if he knew what Mingi was thinking, and Mingi nodded, looking down. His eyes fell on their clasped hands. Hers were so much smaller than his, so much... He couldn't have explained how protection welled up inside him, a determination to not let anyone hurt her.

"What are we expected to do?" Kim asked.

The elevator opened, and they stepped out, walking through the nearly empty lobby to the van outside. "Spend time together. Figure out what you both like to do, and go do it. See if there's something you want to try." He opened the door and Mingi helped her inside, then followed. "It's... going to be a little more difficult than usual. It will still be doable. You just need to talk."

Kim made a sound that sounded caught between laughter and tears. "I'd better study my Korean," she said.

Mingi smiled at her. "I'll help," he said. “And I can learn English better, too.”

She smiled back, and he nearly swooned. This was going to be dangerous.

He remembered what it had been like with HongJoong, Yeosang, and San, and could only imagine how they'd tease him about his distraction. It wouldn't go well, that's for sure, but he'd manage, somehow. He just didn't know how. It wasn't... It wasn't going to be....

His brain faltered. "You have things that will help us, right?" he asked the manager.

"I have a list of places you might want to try," the manager said, looking at him through the rear view mirror. "All of them are mostly safe enough for you to go without too much happening. It would have been nice if it happened in winter, because you can go all bundled up." He shrugged. "It'll be fine, whatever happens."

Kim shifted and leaned against him, and he looked at her. "Overwhelmed?" he asked softly.

"Yes," she said. "It's so... I didn't learn much because they told me there was a good chance I wouldn't even end up with a match anywhere. Never mind I got someone who's better looking than I am."

He looked at her and frowned. "You think that?" he asked.

She smiled. "I'm not that pretty. I'm different, so I stick out here some, but I'm not... pretty. And that's okay. I just... didn't expect to have someone who looks at me like you do."

He could hear something else behind her words, something in her tone that made him wonder why she would think that, but now... was not the time to ask, not when they had no good way to communicate. He'd ask, though, later, when they were alone and they had time to check through a dictionary. "You are pretty," he said firmly, and she sat up and looked at him. Then she flushed, and he wondered what she saw in his eyes.

"Thank you," she said softly.

The van stopped, and Mingi tore his eyes away from her to check where they were. "Uh. We're here," he said, feeling like a complete idiot. "Come on, let's get inside."

The manager opened the door for them and they got out, going through the doors with a single mindedness Mingi had developed only recently. He figured it confused her, but he knew he would be able to explain it to her, at some point. He barely noticed the fans outside, most of them quiet, although one of them gave a shriek like she knew something or had realized who the girl with him was. The door shut, cutting off the suddenly growing noise outside.

"You sign her in, I'll get the paperwork for her started," the manager said, and clapped Mingi on the back. 

Mingi nodded his thanks and turned his attention to Kim, watching as she filled out each of the boxes correctly and took a visitor's badge the receptionist handed her. "Congratulations," she added to them, and Kim flushed and bowed her thanks. Mingi took her hand again, and led her through the lobby toward the elevators.

Inside the first one that came, alone, he gave her half a smile. "I'm sorry it's going so fast," he said. "It's kind of crazy around here sometimes, with all the fans and everything going on. We're a small company, but it's still pretty busy."

Kim smiled at him. "I'm sure it is," she said. "It seems so nice, though, and I don't mind."

He nodded. "It's crazier on the weekend, when they know we'll be out and around, because of shows and stuff," he said, then realized that he was babbling in sheer nervousness, and clamped his jaw shut.

"Nervous?" she asked.

"Yeah. I don't know why. We've done this three times already, and the women seem nice, what we see of them. They have their own lives." At least, he figured it had been done three other times. He didn’t remember it, didn’t know what had actually happened.

It felt so weird to say that, to talk about it like it was... normal. Which it was, and he had to remember that he wasn't really from this world. As far as he could tell, it was a dream based on what WooYoung had read one day on Twitter.

The elevator dinged and opened, and they walked out, down the white tiled hallway to one of the doors. He usually didn't read it, didn't even think about what it said. Now he did, noting that it said ATEEZ, and Occupied. From behind the door came a familiar beat, and he smiled. "Um... it's going to be loud."

She nodded. "Okay."

He opened the door, and she cringed, drawing back a little before following him inside. He shut the door again, and they waited. She stared at the seven of them going through Wave, and he watched her, trying to guess how she felt about this, about what he did, about what they did. 

He would only see awe and disbelief when she turned to look at him, and then she said something, only he couldn't hear her. He shook his head, and grinned, holding up one finger. He took two steps and the formation fell apart,

"Mingi!" Yunho yelled, and he strode across the floor to turn the music off. 

Mingi glanced at HongJoong, who didn't look too upset at the unscheduled break. He relaxed a little after that, and turned to catch his best friend who launched himself at Mingi and hugged him, careful not to crash into the woman next to him. "You aren't supposed to be here."

"You aren't," HongJoong agreed.

"It's just a short visit," Mingi said. "So Kim can meet you guys and then I'll go meet her dad, and then... we'll figure everything else out after that. And they wanted to get started on the paperwork."

"Oh, yes," Yeosang said, words thick with sarcasm. "The lovely paperwork."

Kim laughed, and they all stopped and stared at her. She blinked at them, sobered, and stepped closer to Mingi.

Mingi gently shoved Yunho off. "Guys, this is Kim Johnson. Kim, this is ATEEZ." He went through each of them by name, careful to say the names clearly. She nodded at each of them, looking like she tried to make sure she could put names with faces. 

"It is good to meet you," HongJoong said. "You can speak Korean?"

"I'm not very good, but I can mostly understand you, yes," she said.

"Good," HongJoong said. "It makes it easier that way." He looked at Mingi. "You'll have to wait until the manager returns with all the papers for her."

Mingi nodded. "I know. I thought...." He shook his head. "Just a minute." He turned to Kim. "We... can't leave until the manager comes back. Do you mind if I join them for a while?"

Kim tilted her head. "I don't mind at all," she said. "I didn't realize... I mean, I don't even know what you do. Or what you sing, or anything."

"Oh," Yunho said, his face lighting up, and nudged Mingi. "We need to show her all of it."

Mingi glanced at the others, and saw the agreement, the anticipation in all of their faces, and he nodded. "We'll show you," he said. 

"Okay," Kim said.

Kim sat down in the chair one of them (she thought it was San) set aside for her, and set her purse next to her. It seemed almost a dream to be sitting here, watching eight of the best looking young men she'd ever seen talk among themselves and then start some music, starting in a specific formation.

They could dance, that was immediately clear, and that explained why her friend Annette liked them so much. She danced too, and there was no doubt about their talent. And then they turned on some other music and she could tell they were doing their own music, because they sang along with it. And their voices were good. It looked amazing, the whole thing was awesome. 

It felt like she was in someone's fanfiction, and this would never possibly work out. She couldn't have any ideas of this, when she came to Korea. She'd looked forward to living here, to learning about the people, the culture, and all that came with it. To find that she was in the system as this man's Heart's Desire. It was just so... unbelievable.

She couldn't do anything more than to applaud for them at the end of each song, trying to get her enthusiasm across. It seemed to work, because they smiled back at her before going to their next position. It was so... interesting, to see how Mingi especially cheered up, looking like he'd been given a gold medal or something. it was just so... weird. That was the best way to put it. She couldn't even manage to figure out how to express it, never mind that she knew the language. At least a little bit of it.

At the end, they looked almost as energized as she felt after a good night's sleep, and Mingi's smile - when had she gotten so hooked on his smile? - was positively radiant. They scattered to get their water bottles, and then the manager came in, papers in his hands. Mingi saw him and came to join her, his hand falling gently on her shoulder, fingers brushing her neck. It helped, actually, which made no sense at all. And yet... she wasn't distracted by the touch, but rather she was able to concentrate better, focus on what the manager said. 

Most of it was just basic stuff, including her in his contract, making sure she knew what she could and couldn't do, like talk to any press, tell anyone who he was, but it allowed her to get into the building any time she needed to. It all felt so... odd, really. Unreal. Surreal, even. She glanced up once at Mingi, and he smiled at her, encouraging her to do what she needed to. 

It felt so odd. So weird. And yet, she signed where she needed to, and then they were done. 

"Good," the manager said, tucking the papers into a folder. "I'll get you a copy. Are you ready to go?"

Kim stood up. "I think so," she said, and it didn't feel weird at all when Mingi's hand slid down her arm to take her hand. "Do you need anything?" she asked him.

"Um." Mingi looked at the manager. "What's the plan for the next while?"

"I'll get that to you," the manager said. "You go get cleaned up, I'll get this filed and get the things you'll need, and meet you in the lobby."

Mingi nodded and started out. Kim waved at the others, and they waved back as she followed him out, through the hall, and to the elevator. "Wow," she said, when they stopped to wait for it. "You guys are really good."

He smiled at her, still out of breath. "Thanks," he said. "We love it, and I just... It's so much better with an audience."

"I bet," she agreed. 

The elevator opened and they stepped on, again alone. "What exactly do you know about this whole thing?" he asked as it began to descend. 

"Which?" Kim asked, not sure why he asked her. He seemed to know less than she did, but that didn't make sense at all.

"Heart's Desires."

She shook her head. "I don't know anything," she said. "Believe me, I plan to study it now, though."

He smiled, and her heart - again - skipped a beat. She couldn't have even said why she thought he was so beautiful, but he was, and that was after seeing the men he worked with. That was a bunch of beautiful men, and he fit right in with them. It was... It was unbelievable. How in the world did that ever work out? She had no idea.

The elevator opened, and he led her out. She turned her badge back in, signed out, and then they stood there and waited. After a moment, she realized something. "Where are we going to sleep?" she asked.

He looked at her, then his brow furrowed. "That is a good question," he said. "I don't think we'll be at the dorm, but... maybe. I don't know."

"Will you ask?" she questioned, and he smiled again, making her heart skip.

It felt so weird. She'd never had that experience before, never understood what people meant, in conversation, in the movies, in books. It just... she'd long come to the conclusion that she wasn't attracted to anyone, and that had been such a surprise she'd actually performed experiments.

And even this had brought it out, because she was definitely not attracted to the others in his group, although one or two of them had been... well, if they'd showed up at her door, she might never have managed to let them in. She still wasn't sure how she'd managed with Mingi.

She glanced at him, to find him watching her, and he smiled. "You look a million miles away," he said.

"It's really weird," she said. "I just... I'm trying to figure it all out, and none of it makes any sense."

They fell silent, waiting for the manager, and Kim tried to figure out what was going to happen. What they'd do. And....

Her eyes widened. She'd learned, mostly through listening to her friends and their experiences with the people here, how much this society seemed (and only seemed, probably because they were in college and their lives did) to revolve around sex. She wasn't interested. She didn't know how to even start to get that across, how to say the words, how to make him understand. Although...

Kim looked at Mingi, head tilted, and he looked back at her, giving her a smile that made her insides go all... well, if that's what her friends had been trying to get her to understand, that's what it felt like to have butterflies in her stomach. And that was a weird feeling, and she didn't know if she wanted it. In fact... it felt so strange that she pressed her hands to her stomach.

"Is something wrong?" Mingi asked, concerned again.

"I think... I'm just having butterflies for the first time in my life," she said.

His eyes widened in surprise, but before he could say anything, the manager showed up. "You'll have to come in tomorrow to get pictures for your ID, in case you do want to come in more often. If possible, I'd like you two to come in for an hour or two in the mornings, to keep Mingi in practice."

"We can try," Kim said, taking the folder he handed her.

The manager smiled, looking... like he approved? of what? "Let's get you back to your house. After this, though, you'll have to figure your own way around," he warned Mingi.

"We'll figure it out," Mingi said and offered his hand to Kim.

Kim took his hand, and the butterflies in her stomach flared, then eased and her insides calmed down. It didn't make sense! None of this made sense.

In the silence of the van - at least between them, the radio played - she leaned on Mingi and closed her eyes. She'd never been against cuddling, against having someone to lean on or having someone lean on her. The idea of him leaning on her made her giggle, and he smiled and looked at her. "What?"

"I was thinking," she said. "That I like having people to cuddle with, to lean on them, and having them lean on me, and I'm afraid that if you did that, you might squish me or something. I mean...."

He laughed. "I promise not to squish you so much you can't stand it," he teased, and she grinned back at him.

To her relief, her father’s shoes were at the door when she opened it to let them in. "Dad?" she called, and offered Mingi slippers again as they took off their shoes and went into the house.

"There you are," he said back, and came out of his bedroom. He strode right over to them and offered his hand. "Dan Johnson," he said.

"Song Mingi," Mingi said, and looked at Kim.

Kim smiled. "Yes, he understands Korean better than I do," she said, in that language. 

Mingi's smile took a distinctively relieved look. "Thank you," he said. "I'm glad to meet you."

Dan gestured for them to sit down, and Kim took the larger couch, leaving space for Mingi. It just felt... natural. For some reason. "What's the plan now?" Dan asked.

Kim glanced at Mingi. "Um. We have to spend time together, and... we can't go out much. He's sort of famous." Mingi flushed, and Kim squeezed his hand. "He's in a group. A K-pop group," she elaborated at her father's confused look.

Dan grinned. "Really? What's it called?"

"Ateez," Mingi said. "We just debuted last year."

"It's not even been a year," Kim said. "And oh, Dad, they're so good! They dance like you wouldn't believe. Like... those groups on that... Whatever, America's Got Talent or whatever, could only dream of having this much talent. They're really good."

Dan smiled. "I'll have to look them up," he said. "So you'll be staying here?"

"I don't know," Mingi said. "We have some ideas to help us both keep from going insane, and we have to go in at some point to get Kim's ID for the company. We just haven't made any firm plans yet."

Dan nodded. "Well, can you stay for dinner?" he asked.

Mingi nodded. "Yes," he said. "I don't have anything planned for the next few days."

"A week," Kim said. "My professors said not to come back to school for a week."

"Right," Mingi said. "You'll need time to study, too, won't you?"

Kim nodded. "Probably. I just... I don't want you to be bored."

"We'll take it little by little," Mingi said, turning to her, his eyes kind and understanding. "We'll work it out. We have to figure out schedules, we have to get to know each other, and it'll take time. Even if that time is a week." He grimaced. "It's... It's like condensed dating or something."

Dan nodded and got to his feet. "I'll get started on dinner, then," he said. "You two can talk. If you're staying here, we'll have to figure out where and all that good stuff." He gave Kim an understanding look, bowed to Mingi, and went into the kitchen.

Kim hesitated, then stood up. "Come with me," she said, and led him back to her room.

It looked the way she'd left it, her books on her desk, the bed made but rumpled, clothes put away and mostly neat. He looked around for a moment, then sat on the chair at her desk when she offered it to him. She took the bed, pulled her knees to her chest, and wrapped her arms around them. "What exactly do you expect from this… Heart's Desire thing?" she asked.

He tilted his head. "I don't know," he admitted. "I don't … I mean, I haven't thought about it. What do you want?"

Unprepared for the question, Kim took a moment to still her fears, and thought seriously about it. "I guess… a friend. Someone I can talk to, someone I can love, someone I can trust. Someone who understands me. I mean, I know we have to get to know each other, but to have someone who is willing to try, no matter what else. That's what I want." She looked at him. "I asked what you expected, and I'd like to know that, too, but what do you want?"

He frowned - and even that looked pretty on him, which was totally unfair. "I don't know," he said slowly. "I like what you said. Someone to love, to trust, willing to put up with me because they think I'm worth it. It's not going to be easy, and I'll do what I can to make it less difficult." He sighed. "I don't know. I want a partner, I guess. Someone willing to tell me when something is wrong, willing to work through things with me, that sort of thing."

Kim perked up. "Really? I mean... It's not going to be... I don't know, assumptions, and stuff like that?"

"I hope not," Mingi said. "I think we'll have to do a lot of talking just because our cultures are so different. And find a..." He gestured, apparently at a loss for words. "A middle ground? A compromise?"

Kim nodded. "Yes. That. I think." She got up and went to her desk to get the dictionary. "I think I understood, but I'd better make sure. The last word you said, would you look it up and let me see the translation?"

Mingi smiled and took the dictionary, his fingers brushing against hers. It settled her stomach some, but she didn't know if that meant she'd stopped being nervous, or what. 

She didn't go back to the bed, waiting as he found the word and showed it to her. "Oh, good, I was right." She smiled, pleased at that news, and started to go back to the bed. Mingi took her hand and stopped her, and she turned to face him. 

"One thing I am curious about," he said, his long fingers playing with her hand, her stomach suddenly roiling with nerves at his words. "And maybe it's too early to really talk about this now? I don't know. I know it's... a big part of the whole Heart's Desire thing, which is why I ask. I." He rubbed his face with one hand, the other still holding hers.

Her father knocked on the door and opened it, blinking at them. "Hey. Sorry. Do you mind setting the table?"

Kim didn't know how to feel about that interruption, although her stomach felt immediately better, so maybe that meant something. "Not at all," she said, and tugged Mingi up to his feet. Her father left, and she looked up at this giant standing in her room looking uncomfortable. "We'll talk about it," she said. "Whatever it was."

He smiled. "Thanks," he said. "And do you mind if I kiss you?"

That hadn't been far from her mind, because he had these lips that looked like... amazing. "I don't," she said. "I'd like that."

He smiled and leaned down to kiss her, a gentle kiss that left a taste of mint and a scent of sweat and soap. Her eyes fluttered closed, and she leaned into him, her free hand going around his neck to play with the red hair at his nape. His free hand rested on her waist, steadying her. 

When they stopped, Kim had lost all sense of time and she had to rub her face - which was difficult because she didn't want to let go of him. At all. That scared her more than anything else that had happened. "Um."

"You need to set the table," Mingi said softly, looking as dazed as she did.

"Yeah."

He tightened his grip on her hand and pulled her gently out of the room, then let her lead him to the kitchen. Her father looked up from the stove as they walked in. "I wondered what took you," he said.

"It's... hard to explain," Kim said. "He kissed me. And... the whole world went away. I'm sorry."

Her father looked amused rather than upset, which helped her feel a little better. "You still have time," he said.

She smiled up at Mingi and went to get her plates out. It didn't take her long to set the table, and Mingi watched her with an expression she couldn't decipher. She would have to ask him about it later, when they talked about whatever he'd wanted to say to her. 

Dinner went quickly, stumblingly in some cases as they tried to keep everything in Korean. She checked the tablet that came with her bracelet just before dinner started, and found that all of her professors had given her the same message as the first one had. "Well, I guess that means I have homework, and I can work on that while you're spending time with Ateez," she said as they sat down. 

Mingi nodded, a smile on his face. "It'll be hard to concentrate. HongJoong's Heart's Desire tried and finally gave up. He spent some evenings in the library on campus so she could get things done. You might find it fine, though." He remembered HongJoong mentioning it, once, during a conversation before an interview, something he hoped they wouldn’t ask him about. She was still studying, Mingi knew that, and it wouldn’t be good to get the name of her university known by the fans.

"I can try," she said. And at her father's look, she grinned. "Loud music, and really pretty boys dancing and playing around. Distractions abound."

Her father laughed. "I'll have to see how it goes," he said.

Dinner went well. At one point she had to go and get her dictionary, to help each of them understand something, and it turned into something of a joke, something to enjoy instead of being a pain. They helped clean up dinner, and then retreated back to her room. Mingi checked his own tablet to make sure he didn't have anything to respond to, then turned it to private and sat back down at the desk. Kim did the same with hers, told her father good night, and shut the door and locked it. "You were saying?" she asked.

Mingi flushed and gestured at her to sit down. "It's... it's something HongJoong suggested we talk about, rather than just assuming, because I guess he had some issues...." He swallowed. "Sorry. Sunghwa says I babble when I'm nervous."

Kim took his hand and pulled her to sit on the bed next to her. "Take a deep breath and just say it."

He gave her a panicked look. "Are you okay with sex?" His face went bright red.

Kim was sure hers had done the same, and she stared at him in surprise and embarrassment. He ducked his head. "Well," she said, and then couldn't think of the words to even get across what she wanted to. 

"I'm sorry," he said in a small voice that she wouldn't have expected to come from him. It sounded so… tiny.

"No, don't be. I said to just say it, and you did." She smiled and kissed his cheek. Or meant to, and kissed his jaw instead. He was so TALL. "Um. I... need my dictionary."

"I left it in the dining room," he said. "I'll get it."

He left the room, and she scooted back on the bed and hugged her knees to her chest. It was weird in America, even now with so much acceptance. How would he even accept this, in this culture? It could mean all sorts of horrible things, and she just didn't know how much to expect. She finally took a deep breath and let her knees go, sitting cross-legged on the bed. It would happen how it would happen, and hopefully she wouldn't be too hurt by it. And neither would he.

Mingi came back and looked at her, then sat down next to her again, kicking his slippers off and mirroring her position before handing her the book. "Thank you," Kim said, and opened it with hands that shook, at least on the inside. He rested his hand on her knee, and that didn't help with her nerves. Still... it did comfort her. She found the word she wanted, and took a deep breath. "I'm not... I'm..." She swallowed and tried again. It never got easier, somehow. "Sex isn't something that's important to me," she said, looking down at the long fingered hand on her knee. "I'm asexual. I don't... feel what a lot of my friends have talked about."

"Oh," he breathed, and she looked up at him, still nervous. "That's why you said you'd never gotten butterflies in your stomach."

She tried a smile. "Yeah. It's... weird. It feels weird. And it's so... unexpected, because why now? I mean... does that mean this should be something for everyone, or...." She shrugged. "I'm just used to not being interested. Because it didn't matter before. And it doesn't... I mean, it's just you. And that... doesn't make sense?"

Mingi nodded. "I think I understand," he said. "And I don't want to push you. I'm just trying to make sure I do understand. Does that mean you're not sure you want to have sex? Or you definitely don't, right now, and that might change? Or...."

Kim smiled and put the dictionary down to lay her hand over his. "I don't know," she said. "I'm still trying to understand everything. I'm not sure what is going on, and it's... overwhelming."

Mingi reached up and cupped her cheek, his fingers reaching into her hair. "Okay," he said. "Then no, until you say something different."

Kim leaned into his his touch. "I don't mind hugs, kisses, and cuddling," she said. "I like those. I like holding hands, I like... all of that. I just don't want you to be uncomfortable because it might lead to... where you get frustrated and hurt, and...." She looked up at him, meeting his eyes. "I don't want to lead you on," she said. 

"We'll work on it," Mingi said. "It's something to be aware of, that's all. We can manage. It might take more work than we expected, but we're both used to work, right?"

Kim laughed. "Yes," she said. "That's definitely something we're used to."

It made her feel giddy. Maybe there was something to the Heart's Desire thing after all. She didn't realize how much she wanted this sort of relationship, this sort of understanding. If this system managed to find people their "soulmate" or whatever, then she was all for it.

The week sped by. Mingi worked in the mornings at KQ with Kim sitting on the couch, working on her homework - which she seemed to actually be able to do - and evenings he would work on composing, writing, whatever HongJoong might have sent with him that day while she did more of her homework. Afternoons they spent out and about, as much as he could, and got to know each other better. After the first couple of nights, the rest of the group had rearranged the dorm to give him a room with her, and she started to move in.

More than once, Mingi felt like he had to pinch himself to believe it was real. The first time he did, his breath caught, because if this were a dream.... But he didn't wake up, and the memory that he'd come from a different world faded more and more. It felt natural to wake up next to Kim, to kiss her goodbye in the morning before she went off to school or before he went off to practice. 

Their schedule had settled down, for the most part. Kim had integrated seamlessly into their routine, had made friends with the other women and seemed to get along with everyone. Her Korean definitely improved.

It came as a surprise when the manager pulled him aside one afternoon. "The President wants to see you," he said.

Mingi's eyes widened. "Okay," he said. "Right now, or do I have time to clean up?"

"Now." The manager handed him a brush and Mingi took it, working to make his hair lay something approximating okay as they walked through the halls to the elevator. He handed it back as they took the elevator up, farther than Mingi had ever gone. He'd never needed to, he supposed, and so he clasped his hands together and gripped them, glancing once at the manager as the numbers climbed higher.

“Do you know what this is about?” Mingi asked, and then the elevator dinged and opened onto their floor.

The manager didn’t answer. He led Mingi onto the floor, through a maze of hallways to a richly appointed office. He knocked on the open door, then ushered Mingi in. Mingi stepped in and bowed, trying to hide his confusion. Nothing made sense. 

“Mingi, sit down,” the president said, gesturing to a chair. Mingi started to, and then the door closed and he glanced at it to realize the manager hadn’t come in. “How are things going with your new Heart’s Desire?”

Mingi sat down, hard, and blinked at him. “It’s… we’re getting used to each other,” he stammered, not sure how he’d even known. 

"Good. Have you talked about children?"

Mingi stared at him, stunned. "You want... children?" he asked, thinking about the other idols who'd had them and had been summarily fired, dismissed, the fans had insisted they be removed from the group. Not all of them, for sure, but could KQ and ATEEZ take that chance?

"It is why you have a Heart's Desire, to make sure there are children. The government is getting nervous about the trends of its people not having children."

"B-but why is it so important for me?" Mingi asked. Had they said anything to HongJoong or San or Yeosang about this? Because as far as he could tell, there hadn't been any mention about it since he woke up in this time. 

"Your situation is a little different," the president said, leaning his elbows on the desk and steepling his fingertips. "Kim Johnson has been thoroughly checked out, and her DNA would prove beneficial to the Korean genome. Because she is a foreigner, she may decide to go back home any time. We need a child, or more than one, to keep her here."

Mingi blinked, trying to hide how horrified that made him. "And... what if that doesn't work?"

"You would be required to keep one here if she were to leave."

That explained why the others hadn't had this sort of pressure. "What if... she doesn't want to?" he asked, hesitantly.

The president grimaced. "Convince her," he said, his voice hardening from the jovial, friendly tone it had had before. "We might be able to help, but you need to do your part."

Mingi shook his head, stunned and trying to make his thoughts slow down. After all they'd talked about, and now this? "I'll talk to her," he said.

"Convince her, Mr. Song. I don't care what you do to convince her, but do it." 

Mingi nodded and looked down, hands clenched on his knees. "Yes, sir," he said.

"Thank you." The president lost his stern tone, and became friendly again. "I hope to have a report of your progress sometime soon."

Mingi understood that was his dismissal, so he stood and bowed, keeping his eyes down, not meeting the President's at all. He didn't know what they'd do, what would happen, and it seemed so... 

When he left, he stood outside the room and tried to catch his breath, then practically ran for the elevator. How could they even... it wasn't... this wasn't what he signed up for. And was this what it was like for others? Was he the only one? 

Could he even find out?

The manager met him at the elevator, and pressed the call button as soon as he came into sight. "Everything okay?" 

Mingi stared at him, and then shook his head. "I don't... I don't think so, no," he said, and folded his arms over his chest and squeezed. None of this made sense. None of it, and he so wanted it to. It had to. Something had to....

The manager's hand on his arm guided him into the elevator, and Mingi followed blindly, still so thrown by the idea that he couldn't function. "You don't look well," the manager said, once the door closed and the car started moving downward. 

"It's... do you know what he talked to me about?" Mingi asked.

The manager said nothing, and finally Mingi looked up to see him watching Mingi with compassion. "He told me, yes."

"I can't do that to her," Mingi said softly. 

The elevator dinged and jolted as it came to a stop. The doors opened and Mingi moved automatically, stepping out and walking toward the practice room. At least Kim was back at school, not here, and he could hopefully get himself under control before he saw her again that night. He pulled the door open, and without much thought, he slipped into the formation and joined in, falling into the mindless now of dance, sing, rap, and do it again and again and again.

"Are you okay?" Yunho asked when they stopped for a moment to get water and hit the bathroom.

Mingi shook his head. "I don't want to think about it," he said. "Sorry."

Yunho patted his arm. "Then don't." He pulled Mingi to the mirrors, and they worked through a step they wanted to use, something that needed some serious timing - one for Mingi, and one for Yunho, both of them with someone else - and it helped to have that to distract him.

It would ruin Kim to have this on her, Mingi knew. It would not go over well. He so didn't want to tell her. and he didn't want to put it on her. Still… He had no idea what would happen if they collectively told the government to go fly a kite.

"You don't look very well," Sunghwa said, sitting next to him in the van on the way home.

"I'm not," Mingi said. "But it's nothing physical, it won't keep me from performing well."

"Something to do with what the president said to you?" Sunghwa asked, his hand warm on Mingi's wrist.

"Yeah," Mingi said. 

"About Kim?"

Mingi looked at him. "Yeah. Why?"

"It's about the only thing that would make you look like that," Sunghwa said. "You've been… distracted and distant since you got back." He frowned. "He didn't tell you that you had to choose between ATEEZ and her, did he?"

Mingi shook his head. "No," he said slowly, because that hadn't even been implied, although he wondered if it would be, later, if it turned out Kim wouldn't get pregnant.

"You don't sound too sure of that," Sunghwa said.

"It's more of a future possible threat," Mingi said. "If things don't turn out how he wants."

Sunghwa's hand on his wrist tightened. "I'm sorry," he said softly. 

"Yeah," Mingi said, and leaned on him, glad for once that he'd never done enough to push them all away from him.

As soon as they got back, Mingi went right to the room he shared with Kim, and paced furiously, tired but too keyed up to even sit down. She didn't… he just wanted to hold her and tell her they'd do whatever they needed to so she was comfortable, and if…

The door slammed open and Kim stalked in, looking furious. "Of all the stupid things!" she yelled, and dropped her bag on the desk chair near the door. Then she turned around and spotted Mingi. Reaching out, she slammed the door shut. "Are you in on this?" she demanded.

Mingi stopped, frozen, and stared at her. "In on what?" he asked.

"This… this… my professors, all of them today, pulled me aside after class and said that if I get pregnant, there wouldn't be any penalties for me missing class or anything. What does that mean?"

Mingi bit his lip. "I was told…. can we sit down? I mean, I don't want to spread this to the whole apartment."

She scowled, and then plopped down on the bed. He sat down next to her, his hands resting on his knees. "I got pulled out to talk to the president of the company," he said, and looked at her. "He told me… it was important that your genes, your… DNA is important, that they want to add it to… My Biology isn't the best," he admitted. "They want you to have children, to keep you here. And if you do go back, they'd insist that at least one of the children stay here. But you said…."

"He said what?" she demanded in a low voice, worse than the shout she'd started with.

"I can't… I'm not… It's horrifying," Mingi said, fumbling for words. "I don't want to… I mean, you said you didn't feel attraction, and I guess I figured that meant you didn't want sex, which is okay. I just don't want… I don't…." He sighed and slumped. "He said to convince you, and do whatever I had to do to make sure it happened. And I…." He trailed off, not sure if what he said would be good enough.

"You what," she said, her voice ice cold.

"I can't do that to you," Mingi said, deciding it didn’t matter. She had to know where he stood. "I can't. I won't. It's wrong, and it's not going to happen. I don't know what will happen if I don't, if there's no… report, and I'm afraid…."

Her hand covered his. "Afraid of what?" she asked, gentler now, and when he looked up, her anger was lessened, turned away from him.

"Afraid they'll make it a choice between you or my dream," he said. 

"They wouldn't."

"Why not? He'd as much as implied that the most important thing was that you have a child. How that child was conceived, he didn't care about. If they feel that way, then taking away my dream isn't that big a step." He shook his head. "That's not that important. Because it's only my career, and it's your body. You have to bear all the consequences of this decision."

Kim looked at him like she saw him for the first time. "What do you mean?"

"I mean, if you don't want this, don't want a child, right now or ever, it's your decision." Mingi's heart gave a jolt. He didn't show it, careful to keep the pain out of his expression. 

She stared at him, her hand on his tightening. "You'd give up this," she gestured to the apartment, taking in the others outside their door, "for me."

"What they're asking is wrong," Mingi said. "and if… if they do this to me, how much of those supposedly happy people are not really happy either? How many of them were blackmailed or… or forced to do what they didn't want to?" He shook his head. "It doesn't matter, not when we're talking about your body, and all that entails. If you don't want kids, you shouldn't have to deal with having them."

A vision of his life without ATEEZ stretched in front of him, stuck in a job he didn't like, missing his friends, his family, his…. He swallowed and wrenched his mind from those thoughts. This was about her.

"I don't know if I want to have kids," she said slowly. "I don't know… I never thought I would, because I never… I mean, I'm not attracted to people like that. It's never been a thing for me."

Mingi nodded. "Think about it. Don't… think about me, about what will happen to me. Be as selfish as you want."

She eyed him. "I don't know if I can do that," she said.

"Do your best. I don't want you to have to have children. If you want them, then I'll do my best to help you have them. Or him, or her, if you decide on one."

Kim sighed and the tension went out of her. "Okay," she said. "I can do that."

Mingi gave her a smile, and she smiled back. "You look exhausted," he said, and brushed her hair from her face. "Why don't you get some sleep. I need to grab a shower, and I'll be back in about half an hour."

She caught his hand and leaned into it, and he cupped her face gently. "Thank you," she said softly. 

"You're welcome," he said, and got to his feet. "Sleep well." He kissed her gently, and let himself out of the room. 

In the shower, careful to make sure it was louder than he was, he covered his face and cried out the tension, the possibility of dashed dreams, cried until he couldn't any more, until the water had turned cool. He quickly washed, dried off, put on his pajamas, and climbed into bed next to Kim, too exhausted to think about anything but sleep. He was glad, at least, that she was already asleep and wouldn’t see the traces of his tears that he couldn’t get rid of completely.

Days passed in their sameness. Stressed and worried, Mingi tried not to take it out on his friends. Apparently that failed, because one afternoon, HongJoong took him aside during a break. "Is everything okay between you and Kim?" he asked.

Mingi stared at him. "Yeah, I guess," he said softly. "What did... did they say anything to you about your Heart's Desire?"

HongJoong frowned. "They who?"

"Like... the president. Did he say anything to you about her?"

"I... no. What did he say about yours?"

Mingi shook his head. "I... I can't... It's not fair," he sighed. "They want her to get pregnant. Now. Like... asap, without any input on whether she even wants kids."

HongJoong stared at him. "They want her... why?"

Mingi shook his head again. "It's too stupid. It's ridiculous. I can't... I can't just make that sort of decision with her. To... and it's like... I got the impression that if it didn't happen, they'd start doing things. Like..." He rolled his eyes and turned away. "Never mind. They won't go that far."

Hongjoong grabbed his wrist and pulled him back around. "You are worried about it," he said, keeping hold of Mingi's wrist this time. "Like what?"

"I don't know. I thought of the worst thing they could do to me, and... this is it.” He gestured to take in the practice room and the rest of the group. “And suddenly it's not a decision between me and her anymore, it involves you guys. But I'm not going to make her do something she doesn't want to. It's not fair to her, and it's... It could just be so bad, and I don't know what to do."

HongJoong just stared at him. "You think they'd...."

Mingi leaned in. "The president basically told me to get her pregnant regardless. Convince her, he said, like anything she wanted wasn't important. I can't do that to her. I can't. And I won't. I just... I don't know what to do, and it's getting worse."

"What's getting worse?"

"This insanity. I don't know who... I don't know anything, and I'm scared. They give me this woman, my Heart's Desire, and there's so much there. I mean, it's true, as far as it goes, she's what I would have asked for if I'd known. And then tell me that I have the duty to... to make her do something she may not want to? And I don't have a choice? They didn't tell you this?"

HongJoong shook his head. "No. They didn't tell me anything like that about her."

"It's because she’s Korean. Kim's not. Her DNA is important." Mingi pulled his wrist free. "So, I'm sorry if I'm off. I'm... stuck, and I can't see a way out of it, and I don't know what the president will do if I don't go to him and tell him she's pregnant. They even talked to her professors! They told her she wouldn't be docked if it happened. She was so angry, HongJoong, and I couldn't help her. I couldn't tell her they were wrong. I could only tell her that I would support whatever decision she made."

"That was the slamming door and the yelling the other night," HongJoong said.

"Yeah. She was so angry." 

"Do you want me to talk to someone?"

Mingi gave a despairing laugh. "Who?" He swallowed. "Sorry. If i thought it would make a difference, I would definitely ask you to. I don't think it will. It's from the government. They're not gonna care what any of us have to say."

HongJoong bit his lip. "No," he agreed finally. "I think you're right." He sighed. "It seems trivial, but try to keep your head in the choreography, so they don't have something else to hold over your head."

Mingi nodded. "Thanks," he said softly, and turned to get himself a drink of water. It wasn't the best solution, but at least the rest of the group would understand that they didn't break his contract because he didn't perform. And that... he did have control over.

The rest of the afternoon went a lot better. On the way home, Sunghwa sat next to Mingi again, his hand on Mingi's wrist. "You okay?" he asked.

Mingi shook his head. "No. I'm doing the best I can."

Sunghwa patted his arm. "I know," he said. "I understand. Can I help?"

Mingi leaned on him. "I don't think so, but thanks. I appreciate the offer."

They didn't say anything more, getting out of the van in quiet. Mingi headed for his room after kicking his shoes off, and stretched out on the bed once he realized Kim was still gone. He closed his eyes and wished, hard, that he would be able to go home, and not have to deal with this mess, that they would be able to get out of this all, that it wouldn't come down to having to choose between things he loved.

He could say that. He could see it with HongJoong, with San, with Yeosang, and with himself. There was no question that they were in love, that they loved, hard and deep and strong, and he could feel a tug on his heart whenever he thought of life without her. If he went back - when he went back, because he didn't want to stay here, not at all - he'd have to deal without her, with having Jongho as a roommate again, having the smaller apartment, the lack of girls, everything. It just... he wanted to go back to that, even with everything he had now. 

Chances were good she wasn't even in Korea in that other world, wasn't in the same situation - although a small part of his brain pointed out that if HongJoong wrote the same lyrics and they had the same choreography, why wouldn't she be there? - and he wouldn't try to find her. He wouldn't. Really.

"HongJoong asked if I were okay," Kim said, closing the door. 

Mingi opened his eyes and looked at her, then held out a hand. She took it, following his tug to lay down next to him. "He wanted to know what was going on," he said. "I told him some of it. Not all."

Her hand brushed over his face. "It's been hard on you," she said.

He shook his head. "It's not my body they're trying to use for something I don't want," he said. "It's yours. I'm just... I don't like being caught between. I don't want to rush you, I don't. I'm just... I'm not comfortable. And I know you aren't either. So I'm not complaining. I just want you to know what is going on in my head."

Kim cuddled closer to him, her head resting on his shoulder, and although she probably had things to do, he felt her fall asleep, and he appreciated that. He closed his eyes and fell asleep as well.

Their manager pulled him aside a couple of days later. “The president is waiting for news,” he said softly.

Mingi bit his lip. “She’s deciding,” he said. He opened his mouth to say more, and shut it again.

The manager shook his head. “You need to convince her,” he said.

“I told her all my arguments,” Mingi said. “This is a big step for her. I don’t want her to feel pushed into anything.” More than she already does, he added in his head. 

“You have to do more.”

“I can’t…” Mingi stopped and bit his lip again. “I’m not going to force her into doing something she may not want, just because this government thinks her DNA or whatever is important.”

The manager tilted his head. "You can't... what did he want you to do?" 

"Convince her, he said. He wants some sort of news, probably the 'right' kind of news, and I can't give him anything without her consent."

The manager shook his head. "You don't understand, Mingi."

"I'm not going to make her carry a baby she doesn't want," Mingi said angrily, his voice dropping in volume. "I can't make her do that. She's my Heart's Desire, and I love her, and I can't do something to her that will make her hate me. And will make me hate myself."

The managers expression grew cold. "Perhaps we erred in this," he said, and gestured impatiently for him to return to the others.

Mingi went, not sure what that meant, not at all sure he wanted to find out. And scared of what it might mean. Still, he pulled himself together and worked with the others, keeping his focus on what happened now instead of what might happen in the future. At this point, he wasn't sure he had a future. Or even what that future might look like.

When they finished for the night, instead of going back with the others, he went to find Kim on her university campus. He knew this probably wasn't the smartest thing in the world, but he needed to talk to her. He'd managed to get her schedule at some point, and although she wasn't in class, he knew she spent a fair amount of time in the library. It was easier to concentrate there, than with an apartment full of men too ramped up to be quiet. He got out of the van, mask in place, and went into the library.

He found her at a small table with a couple of friends, and stood behind them, waiting for her to look up and see him. It didn't take her long, and her smile warmed him. He smiled back and beckoned to her, and then she blushed. "Um. I'll be right back," she said, and got up.

"What's up?" her friend asked.

"I need to talk to my Heart's Desire," she said.

Both of the other girls turned around, and one of them went completely white. "You should have warned me!" she hissed at Kim.

"I wasn't allowed to," Kim told her, and then patted her friend's shoulder and walked over to him, taking his hand. "Come on, it's more private in the back."

Once there, they found a quiet area and she turned to look at him. "Is everything okay?"

He shook his head. "I don't know," he said softly. "My manager pulled me aside today and asked about any progress. And then, when I said I was leaving it up to you, he said something about having erred. I don't know what it means, but I thought you should know. I don't want to put pressure on you. I just... I want you to know what's going on. Unless you'd rather I not tell you?" he asked, suddenly not sure at all. "I really don't ... I want it to be your decision. I also want you to have all the information."

She reached up and cupped his cheek in her hand. "I know," she said. "It's not from you. Of all the pressure I'm feeling about this, none of it is coming from you. Thank you for that. It's been more than I expected when this happened." She sighed. "I don't think I want children. I talked to my dad, and he loved it, He's loved having kids - me - and he knows my mother was as happy about it as he was." She shook her head. "I don't have a mother to ask this, not any more, and I want... I wish I did. I mean...." 

Mingi covered her hand with his. "Hey. It's okay. If you don't want kids, then you don't want kids. I won't make you have children. It's not... I mean, we can adopt if we need to. I don't care about what they want. I don't care."

Kim raised up on her toes and kissed him - although she had to tug him down some, too - and sighed. "I suggest we tell them together, so it all doesn't fall on your head," she said. "I don't have class until later tomorrow, do you think that will work?"

"We'll make it work," Mingi promised. "Are you ready to go home?"

"Yeah, I think so," she said, and they went back to her study group to gather her things.

Mingi didn't hear the conversation. He stayed out of the way, let her say good bye to her friends, then took her bag when she joined him again, smiling at the adoring sighs from her friends. "Ignore them," she said, and slipped her hand into his. "They're idiots."

"Aren't we all."

They got home quickly, with a stop to get something to eat - the taxi driver seemed okay with all of that - and then retired to their bedroom. She put her books away as he washed his face, brushed his teeth, and changed. It had become second nature to change there when she was home, just because he didn't want her to think he was trying to take over her. Or seduce her, or something. Nothing like that.

Back in their room, she had changed as well, and they curled up together in the bed, falling asleep almost immediately.

The manager stared at them, eyes narrowed, as they delivered their news, hand in hand. "You have no idea what you're doing," he said flatly. "It's going to be a mistake, Mingi. You have no idea."

"I meant what I said," Mingi told him. "If you want me to tell the president, I'll tell him, too. Or you can tell him." He hoped she couldn't see him trembling, couldn't tell how much this whole thing scared him. Because it did, and he knew he might be doing something he didn't want to, and he might have to give up this life he loved so much.

"I'll tell him," the manager said flatly. "I will bring back what he thinks when I'm done."

Mingi bowed and Kim did the same. They walked out of the small room and back to the rehearsal room. Yunho caught sight of them and started over, only to have Sunghwa stop him and then he headed over. "What's going on?" he asked.

Mingi explained, his hand gentle on Kim's, trying not to show how terrified it made him. Sunghwa's compassionate look didn't help, and didn't hide his resigned expression, either. He seemed to have expected this. "I could have told them this was a bad idea," he said softly. "I'm sorry about it."

Kim shook hire head. "I don't understand," she said. "I really don't get it. Why is it so important? Isn't it just... a way to get people together?"

Sunghwa smiled. "I'm sure it started that way," he said softly. "But now? I'm not sure."

Mingi frowned. "What do you mean?" he asked.

Sunghwa didn't get to answer. The manager came in, and right behind him followed the president. "I'm told you have decided not to have children," he said, bringing the rest of them to a stop. 

Mingi bowed, and noticed Kim do the same next to him. "That is our decision," he said when he'd straightened up again. 

The president braced his hands on his hips. "I don't understand. Why not?"

"She is not interested in having children," Mingi said. "And I won't force her."

The president tilted his head. "Well, then. I have two options: I can remove you from ATEEZ and from the company until you change your mind, or I can have your connection dissolved.” He paused to gauge their reactions, and smiled tightly when he didn’t immediately protest. Mingi tried not to show how much it hurt, no matter which one he chose, and so he couldn’t choose one over the other. “As this decision is as much yours as hers, and you are resolved to keep to it, and because your are entirely too valuable as you are a member of ATEEZ, I will end your connection. I'll have it annulled." He turned on his heel and strode out, the manager right behind.

Mingi blinked and turned to look at Kim, not surprised to find his own incomprehension mirrored in her gaze. "What?" he asked, looking around at the others. "What does that...."

"I don't understand what is going on," Kim muttered. "This place is insane."

"Yes," Sunghwa said, and patted Mingi on the shoulder. "I think it is. You two need to relax and try to calm down."

He sounded like he knew what would happen, but Mingi didn't want to ask, not right now. He'd do that later. He gestured to the couch, and Kim nodded. They sat down together and huddled there, watching as the rest of the group got back to work. HongJoong didn't even seem to want to involve Mingi, and Mingi didn't mind. He didn't understand everything, but that last comment had given him such a sense of dread that he didn't think he'd be able to concentrate anyway.

His bracelet chimed with an incoming message at the same time hers did, and they both looked at them, then at each other. Mingi grabbed for his tablet as Kim got hers out, and they both read the message. “Wait, I don’t… this doesn’t make sense,” she said. 

The music stopped. Mingi glanced up to see Sunghwa had stopped it, and then went back to his tablet, trying to get the words to make sense. It wasn’t working. “It’s… they can just do that?” he asked, looking up at the others, confused. 

“What?” HongJoong asked.

“They’re going to… make it so we aren’t Heart’s Desires anymore,” Mingi said. “Just… cut it, and it’s … It’s weird. Why would they do that, and what… how….” He found the phrase he was looking for and read it to them. “It’s going to be an inconvenience for a while, and we shouldn’t be alone, and… what?”

“When?” WooYoung asked, looking serious for once.

Mingi checked his message again. “Um… in five minutes.”

“Wow, that’s fast,” Sunghwa muttered. He stepped up to each of the others, directing them in a low voice that got them moving, and pretty soon, the group surrounded the two of them.

“It’s not going to be comfortable,” WooYoung said. “But if it’s the center, then it shouldn’t be lethal.”

Kim stared at him. “Lethal?” she demanded. “Why would it be lethal?”

"If you try to reject your Heart's Desire, it can kill you," HongJoong said. 

Kim stared at him. "It'll kill you?" she demanded in English. 

"It can," HongJoong corrected her. "This probably won't, because it's from the Center."

"Probably?" she asked, her panic increasing. 

Mingi squeezed her hand and pulled her closer, hugging her tightly. "It will be okay," he said, although he didn't feel it all that believable. Still, he tried, and he held her closely as he could. She nestled into him, for one blissful moment of calm.

The pain hit immediately, not an easing in, and he gasped. Her body stiffened next to him, and he tried to hold onto her. It just hurt, everything hurt, and he could feel someone holding his shoulders, someone else trying to help her, and it all finally just... slipped away.

The blaring of his alarm woke Mingi, and he sat up - banging his head on the bunk over his because he'd gotten used to it not being there - so fast it gave him a head rush. That didn't distract him from the pain in his chest, and he rubbed it at the same time he rubbed his head. He reached over to turn off the alarm, grabbed for his glasses, and stopped. No largish phone under them. He checked his wrist, and it was empty. Nothing on it.

Slowly, he got out of bed, still rubbing his head, and straightened up cautiously. The light from the window illuminated Jongho, and for a second, Mingi couldn't breathe. Jongho? Still asleep, never mind that he'd just banged his head on the bunk. He turned away from the depressing and frustrating sight and left the room.

The hall looked... short. Claustrophobic and small. He stepped into the bathroom, but didn't turn the light on, didn't get his contacts in. Noise down the hall drew him down, and he followed it into the main room, finding it small, too, with the typical clutter of eight men in a tiny apartment they used only to sleep in. 

Something clanked in the kitchen and he followed that, to find HongJoong looking in the fridge. Over his shoulder, Mingi could see barely anything - not a surprise, in this apartment - and it made his chest hurt again. He rubbed it and turned to go.

"You're up early," HongJoong said.

Mingi blinked at him, not at all sure what to say. "My alarm worked," he said after a moment. "Finally."

It came out weird, and he leaned against the wall when HongJoong stepped closer to him. "Are you okay?"

"I don't know," Mingi said. "I... don't know if I'll know for a while."

"What happened?"

"Weird dreams," Mingi said. "It's all very... weird."

HongJoong nodded and patted his arm. "Let me know if you want to talk about it," he said.

"I will," Mingi said, but he knew he wouldn't, because HongJoong wouldn't ever understand. He nodded at HongJoong and went back to his room to find his glasses and his phone. 

It gave him the date, not the date that he'd left, but the date he'd gotten that email about his Heart's Desire and the dissolution of their pairing. So... what had happened? How was... He shook his head and changed into clothes to practice in. It was all he could do, because doing more wouldn't work. He just... couldn't do it. Couldn't do any of it.

It wasn't going to work, and his heart hurt so badly, and he still went, followed the others, put as much of himself into the practice as he could, and still, at one point, Yunho pulled him aside and pinned him to the mirror. "What's going on?" he asked, looking worried.

"I had a weird dream, and this... feels a little surreal," Mingi said.

Yunho frowned. "What sort of dream?" 

Mingi shook his head. "I don't know. It was so real, and it's all... I can't even explain it. But this all seems... unreal. Surreal, and unreal."

"Can you keep going?" Yunho asked, after a long moment of watching him.

"Yeah," Mingi said, although it sounded more like a question than a statement. Yunho smiled wryly. "I'm just... It might take a while to get back into this life, you know? It was just so real. I can't even describe it."

Yunho patted his shoulder. "Okay," he said. "Go get some water, and we'll keep going."

"Yeah," Mingi said again, and went to do as he'd said.

It took a long time, probably longer than it had when he'd gone to that alternate place. It felt so... strange, so much like he just... He just couldn't do it. But eventually everything felt the same, although, to Jongho's displeasure, he kept getting up early. 

A year later, they had one of those crazy dance things again, and by now, Mingi's heart barely hurt, he never thought of her (or so he tried to lie to himself, especially on the mornings he woke up so lonely and lost and aching for her), and things felt... normal again. It had taken that long, surprisingly. They’d set it up in LA again, because it had gone so well the last few times. He got out of the car, ready to meet all the fans, and lost himself in the dance, lost himself in the whole experience. He loved these, he really did, the opportunity to see more of the fans, more of the people who'd helped them become what they were.

Something caught his eye, a half-recognized face, something, and he turned to see who it was, because they did have regular fans, people they knew, more or less. She turned at the same time, and their eyes locked.

Mingi's chest exploded in pain, and he winced, turning away before rubbing at it, going back to the rest of the group, staying with them, careful to not stray too far again. He hadn't collapsed only because pain was normal for him, with knees, hips, back, and now his chest, and he wanted to get away, to not see her again, not hurt like that.

A hand touched his arm. "You felt it, too," she said softly, and he looked up, eyes finding hers again, and he fell into them, like he remembered doing. He had to pull himself back together immediately, and he glanced over her shoulder to see what else was going on. "You remember." Behind her, time seemed to have stopped. Or everyone else did, he didn't know.

He blinked and straightened, his attention on her again. "I... remember?" he stammered, not at all surprised he understood her and that he could speak to her in English. They'd worked at it, after all.

No.

"Yes," she said, unknowingly refuting his denial, and rubbed her chest. "The... Heart's Desire. The center. The... They wanted children."

He stared at her, trying not to completely freak out. "It's... Yeah," he said, no longer trying to deny they’d had something in the face of her earnestness. "Are you happy?"

Her face lit up, and he smiled back, remembering how much her smile had cheered him, how much he loved her. The pain in his chest eased now. "I am," she said. "It took a while to get used to it, but yeah, I'm happy. We're back here in LA. We didn’t stay long in Seoul after… that."

"I’m glad," he said. "It was good to see you again."

He didn't dare touch her, so he bowed, and she bowed back, and then everyone else seemed to move again, sweeping them apart, him toward the bus and her toward the rest of the park, leaving them all behind.

Now desperate to be gone, he crawled into the bus without much prompting, fumbled his headphones on and curled away from the others, hoping to hide how miserable it felt that the pain eased this time, with the promise of vanishing. He didn't know which was worse, and right now, he didn't care. 

It took some time to get everything organized, to make sure that the rooms were okay, and that everyone could participate in the v-lives if they wanted to. For the first time since they'd debuted, Mingi begged off. "I'm not up to it," he said when HongJoong came to ask about it. "I'm just... I can't today, okay? Please."

HongJoong tilted his head. "Okay. If you change your mind, you know where we are. What do I tell them?"

"Bad headache," Mingi said. He couldn't well say a heartache.

HongJoong nodded, patted his arm, and left again.

Changed into pjs, Mingi crawled into bed, curled around one of the pillows, and cried himself to sleep.


End file.
